Dear Auntie Vicky,

A water-cooler conversation at work about whether or not to use a top sheet recently got very ugly, very quickly. Things were said that cannot be unsaid, and I fear there are scars. I understand you’ve been a qualified Bed of the Week™ practitioner for some time. Where do you stand on this vital issue?

Signed,

To Top Sheet or Not Sheet?

Dear TTSONS,

A week ago, I would have said without equivocation that no sane human sleeps without a top sheet.  Since then, however, while scrolling through Twitter (for research purposes only, I assure you) I came across one Mr. Roger @RogerC137 asking if we could “without relentlessly criticizing, let people have their pumpkin spice, and avocado toast, and their fandoms, and their D&D, and their too-early-Halloween-decorations, and whatever little harmless things in which they’ve manage to find a tiny shriveled flower of joy?”

Not wanting to devolve into an aging, bitter, tiny flower of joy stomper on-er, I reflected on this, deciding that in the same way I would demand my right to, say, agency over my own body, it’s only fair to let people decide for themselves how and under what they wish to sleep.

Upon further reflection, I realized my own affinity for the top sheet stems from a preference for thin wool or cotton blankets and quilts over fluffy duvets, which is — again — an entirely personal decision.

If the subject comes up again, perhaps you could offer up something along the lines of, “who cares, as long as we all enjoy the sleep of the righteous?” Follow up by asking if anyone wants to have a quick go at global economic inequality, climate change, Spanx, child labour, corrupt politicians, pay equity, Spanx, homophobia, racism, the rise of nationalism, or Spanx.

PS: Thanks for the call-out on my BOTW certification:) Many are not aware of it.